The INFJs Most Annoying Traits to Others
With the reputation of being empathetic, reserved and imaginative, it can be surprising to come to know that the INFJ actually annoys certain people with some of their innate traits and habits. In fact, if it’s not just 1 or 2 of their traits that get on people’s nerves, but rather a complete list of habits that have the potential to push other people’s buttons. So.. what makes the INFJ so maddening to some?
1. Their Obvious Paradoxical Nature
The first and most obvious trait that comes to mind from an INFJ themselves is the fact this personality type is extremely paradoxical by nature. With a balanced combination of both logic and emotion, it’s within their very cognitive makeup that causes the INFJ to be so confusing to some.
However, known as the walking paradox of the MBTI, it’s not only within their cognitive functions that this personality type showcases their contradicting nature. In fact there are multiple ways in which their conflicting habits can really rub people the wrong way with confusion. One prime example is in the way the INFJ craves human connection from others, while simultaneously remaining hesitant and closed off to new connections.
Or, another example would be in the way the INFJ is both extremely conservative and respectful, yet at times, unleashes an obvious rebellious and even defiant manner. They often see both sides to every argument, causing them to sometimes play devil’s advocate or simultaneously play the victim and the invader.
2. Their Indestructible Independence
Another notorious INFJ trait that can come off as slightly annoying to some people has to do with their independent nature. Sure, the ability to be independent comes with its positives, especially for the INFJ who requires an ample of alone time to rest and recharge their batteries. However, there’s a few scenarios where this independence actually hinders their connections with others.
One key scenario would be when it comes to INFJs accepting help. INFJs are always on a mission to prove their competence. So much so, that despite being completely overwhelmed by the responsibilities they’ve taken on, the INFJ will stubbornly refuse help from their fellow co-workers or loved ones to lighten their load.
Whether it’s due to their micromanaging doubt that others will do as good of a job as them, or it’s because they don’t want to burden others with their needs, not allowing people in to assist can actually come off as immature. And while this alone can be extremely annoying at times, this independence actually makes it much more difficult for others to build a solid and trustworthy connection to the INFJ. Which brings us to..
3. Their Secrecy and Private Nature
INFJs are known to be the advocate or ‘counselor’ personality type. Due to their desire to dig deep into other people’s minds, this private personality type is often too busy prying open the brain’s of others to ever find the necessity in opening up about themselves.
They love playing armchair psychologists by asking certain questions and pushing the right buttons in order to figure someone out, all while remaining completely mysterious and reserved in the process. And while this approach to getting to know someone can actually be quite effective, as they slowly learn to trust another in order to feel comfortable enough to open up, it can come off a little condescending and nosey to some people.
However, the true annoyance to this traits has less to do with the way they pry, as it does in the way they don’t reciprocate their own self-disclosure. It’s not uncommon for others to walk away from a conversation with an INFJ feeling as if they overshared to someone they don’t know in the slightest.
4. Their Struggle to Express Their Thoughts Into Words
Speaking of the mysterious INFJ’s reluctance to open up to others, let’s just say..it’s not entirely their fault. There’s something about the way the mind of this philosophical personality type works that makes it extremely challenging for them to form their complex thoughts into words.
Through introverted intuition and introverted thinking, it takes a lot for them to formulate the right analogies, explanations and examples to explain their ideas. And so, this verbal disconnect inevitably leads to a lot of conversational “ums”, “I can’t really explain(s)” and “neverminds”.
Sure, this can become annoying for people who are attempting to understand the INFJ beyond their surface facade, but it’s even more annoying for the INFJ who at-times desperately wants to clarify and breakdown their intricate thoughts and feelings.
The worst is when it comes to trying to communicate within romantic relationships and friendships, as their extroverted feeling function can make it even more difficult for them to express their emotions.
5. The Way They Prove to Know Things
Despite their difficulty with explaining their conclusions and insights, there’s a subtle know-it-all energy that comes with the INFJ personality type. They don’t mind sharing their opposing opinions in order to expand their own understanding of other’s perspectives on a topic, and through that, they can often challenge other’s views.
In fact, sometimes they don’t have to say anything and still come across as the wise-guy. Being the reserved type they are, they often take a backseat in most group-conversational dynamics resulting in a completely tuned-in observational stance that can make them seem rather judgemental.
However, when the INFJ does open their mouths in this type of setting, it’s only because they are absolutely sure of what they have to say. Although they may not be able to explain their side fully, the carefully-chosen conclusions they do share ultimately are proven to be accurate later down the line.
6. The Way They Assume They Know People
An inevitable result that comes from the INFJ’s need to understand their human mind and all the way it differs from person to person is that the INFJ actually does hold quite a bit of knowledge of the topic. Without sounding biased, INFJs do actually understand human nature, behaviors and motives much more than the average person simply due to this innate passion.
However, because of this understanding, it’s not uncommon for this personality type to make certain assumptions of people they barely know due to the patterns they observe and associate with past observations.M Although these assumptions are most often kept to themselves, they do at-times verbally communicate their suspicions to others if they think it’s going to help.
Whether it’s telling a friend that they have a bad feeling about their new partner, or they right-off letting someone in before even really getting to know them, this subtle presumptuous behavior can be extremely annoying, even if their assumptions turn out to be true.
7. Their Idealism and Perfectionism
Annoying for both themselves and the people around them, the INFJ’s idealistic outlook on life can certainly be aggravating for everyone involved. Through the unattainable standards they set for their accomplishments, as well as the people around them, INFJs often find themselves in disappointing predicaments.
Whether it’s the expectations they have of that perfect partner, ideal family life, the most fitting career, or the work they produce, looking at everything through a perfectionistic lens can make all the things that don’t reach their expectations feel dull and unfulfilling.
But despite the self-critical notion that's behind each of these affected facets of life, the annoyance affects the people involved on a much deeper level. Despite being the caring and understanding personality type they are, INFJs can often surprise those they love with how much they expect of them.
And while they don’t always show their disappointments in an obvious manner, it’s within their disengaged demeanor that people can usually tell they’re not reaching the INFJ’s expectations. And last but not least..
8. Their Strengthen Once They’ve Reached the Point of No Return
Annoying for all the right reasons, if there’s one thing the INFJ prides themselves on it’s the strength they unlock once they’ve reached the point of no return. This empathetic personality type often has serious difficulties when it comes to setting boundaries with others.
While this ultimately allows them to forgive and forget some of the most difficult actions, it can also result in them being walked over one-too-many times. This is when the INFJ shuts down and cuts off all ties.
It may take a while to reach that point, but once it’s reached, there’s no going back. Regardless of the hurt and annoyance it causes another individual, this personality type will do whatever it takes to remain disengaged with someone who has taken their kindness for granted. Annoying? Yes. Necessary? Definitely.