This One Thing Holds All INFJs Back in Life
Self-sabotage is nothing new to the INFJ personality type, especially when it comes to their perfectionistic nature and innately high expectations. Yet, what is it that lies underneath this self-sabotaging battle?
Well.. to put it simply, it’s within their very idealistic tendencies that ultimately hold most INFJs back from achieving their best and flourishing into their most happy selves..
1. It Takes Away From Their Precious Open-Mindedness
If there’s one quality the INFJ prides themselves on it’s their ability to remain open-minded no matter the information or situation thrown at them. With a deep interest in human behavior and psychology, this personality type can’t help but to see things from multiple angles, and even through the different lenses of other’s perceptions.
This neutral and accepting attitude enables the INFJ to not only think critically but also allows them to maintain a rationality that other’s often admire. However, when idealism comes knocking, this openness quickly dissipates into the abyss of their subconscious.
Not only do their habitually high expectations placed on themselves and others add a fogginess to their viewpoints but it can actually take away from the charming unbiased approach that others may look to them for.
And while it’s not exactly in an INFJ’s nature to go out of their way to necessarily ‘charm’ others with their receptivity, their idealistic viewpoints can make others wonder if they're as rational as they set out to be.
2. They Can Become Depressed at Unmet Potential
Whether it has to do with someone in an INFJ’s life who has the prospects of doing better for themselves or the larger picture view of humanity and its capacity for a much more loving and inclusive collective experience, the INFJ can become seriously affected by lost potential.
Through their well-rounded viewpoints and their ability to vividly imagine all the good that comes from people reaching their unforeseen potential, INFJs can end up falling into a deep sadness when witnessing the doubts, trauma and self-sabotage that others fall victim to.
Ironically, through their extroverted feeling function, INFJs can actually take on this noted lost potential, ultimately draining themselves of their motivation in the process. If it weren't for their extremely loud and demanding self-expectations, this witnessing of other’s remaining blind to their true capacity would take over the INFJ completely in some scenarios.
3. They Are Constantly Battling With How Things Should Be
Of course, a huge part of struggling with idealism is the simple fact that it’s difficult for the INFJ to see past just how ‘perfect’ something, someone, or somewhere can be. In fact, this is the very root of any one person’s idealistic views with the worst part being the difficulty of taking life at face value.
With the INFJ personality type this idealism holds them back in many ways, but one of the most important is by means of taking up so much space within their mental chatter. Through their introverted intuition the INFJ is constantly ruminating not only about why things are the way they are but also why things can’t be better, or at least different in some way.
They are constantly torn between accepting the beauty that comes with dysfunction and portraying their at-times judgmental viewpoints on the matter. This constant internal babble takes away from the more creative, efficient and magical places their minds could take them.
4. They Set Themselves Up for Failure
Aside from the overly distracting mental chatter caused by idealistic tendencies, INFJs often set themselves up for failure in ways that they wouldn’t notice even if someone were to point them out. While a subtle undercurrent of idealism is crucial for humans to feel driven to better themselves and their surroundings, too much of this expectation can be the root of destruction to what already is.
For the INFJ who is constantly analyzing their lives, sometimes in a harsh and self-degrading manner, they can actually end up thinking they’re taking 1 step forward only to find they’ve actually taken 5 steps back.
Sometimes INFJ’s can end up ruining what they already have in hopes that the grass is greener on the other side only to learn the harsh lesson of enjoying what you have before it’s gone. Whether it’s through career, friendships, living environments or even romantic relationships, the optimistic outlook of “different” or “forward” being better can certainly do them more harm than good.
5. They Ruin Relationships Through Their Expectations
Speaking of friendships and romantic relationships.. The INFJ and their high expectations for not only themselves but also those they choose to have in their lives can hold them back from certain valuable connections.
In fact, despite this inclusive personality type’s ability to easily converse with and accept all walks of life, there happens to be a few key characteristics they look for when considering expanding a connection any further than acquaintance status.
And while these expectations certainly help the INFJ weed out potential red-flags and future uncomfortable boundary-setting scenarios, sometimes it keeps them from expanding their awareness. Their pre-set subconscious requirements can cause an INFJ to shut down prematurely in an emotional way towards others without realizing it’s due to their idealistic narrow-mindedness.
Not to mention they can form imaginative expectations of who they think someone is before getting to know them, only to end up disappointed that they didn’t match up to their fairytale-esque assumptions. Which brings us to our next point..
6. The Disappointments Can Be Extremely Discouraging
Imagination and intuition are undoubtedly two of the INFJ’s most beautiful abilities. By pulling genuine drive and motivation out of their visions, this imaginative type can see themselves doing things they always dreamed of.
And yet, on the other side of things, this very imagination can be the ultimate hindrance on an INFJ’s happiness and satisfaction. Just like the disappointment that comes from realizing someone isn’t who they imagined they’d be, this personality type can end up disheartened by the reality of all sorts of idealistic future-projections they form in their inner minds.
From social events to new career choices.. From the results of a life-style change to their own abilities and performances, a simple failure or change of outcome can really throw the INFJ for a loop. In fact, the worst part of it all is that even if the results end up being just as good as they imagined yet not quite played out in the way they had envisioned, the INFJ can become distracted by the pieces that didn’t come into fruition rather than enjoying the moment for what it is.
It’s only after rumination and analysis that this personality type sees the moment for what it was worth, which almost always comes once the moment is long over.
7. They Simply Make Outer Pressure Worse by Adding Onto It
In their day-to-day lives, INFJs are faced with a lot of pressure, as most of us are. However, being an introvert in an extroverted world while simultaneously keeping up with societal pressures of success and competition is no easy game.
Above all of these outside pressures there’s nothing more daunting than retreating to your own inner mind only to find even higher expectations and even more pressure to achieve them. Call it perfectionism, or people-pleasing, there’s no doubt that almost all INFJs are considered high-achieving and ambitious in all areas of their lives.
And although this may seem like a healthy trait that others would strive for, the INFJ’s perfectionist nature is often rooted in less-than efficient motives. Instead of sheer motivation for self-improvement, their hard-working nature and dissatisfaction for their achievements can create the ultimate recipe for holding themselves back.
Although from an outside perspective the INFJ seems like they are perfectly capable of balancing these high expectations, there’s no doubt that without the veil of requiring constant self-worth, they very well may achieve things easier in life. And lastly..
8. They Can Feel Even More Isolated From the World
The interesting thing with idealism is that not everyone’s ‘ideal’ is the same. And when the INFJ realizes periodically through their observations of other’s goals and motivators in life that not everyone is striving for the same idea of a ‘perfect’ world, they can become rather discouraged.
Now, there’s no getting around the fact that the INFJ feels indifferent from the world around them, but when their indifferences are broken down, their idealistic expectations of the world can certainly play a part. While others strive for more money, more success, and more recognition, the INFJ can’t help but to idealize a life of more peace, more groundedness, more kindness and more apathy.
It’s not to say that they don’t set their expectations for self-success at a high level, but rather, their idealism tends to be much more focused on solving other people’s problems while healing their own past traumas. Something that most others wouldn’t be able to relate to.