The INFJ Will Only Bend Their Rules for This
With a trusting moral compass, INFJs lead life through a series of unspoken rules that keep them grounded while giving them the ability to set certain boundaries, form trusting relationships and stay truthful to their character. However, every so often, this personality type is met with situations that cause them to bend these critical rules.
When they have to stir the pot by using their powers for ‘evil’
Powers? Yes.. INFJs, and most other personality types come with their own set of ‘powers’. Also known as the innate characteristics that come through their cognitive functions, each type has their own strengths that they can choose to use for both good and evil.
For the INFJ, these strengths are almost always used for good..sometimes to the point of becoming detrimental to themselves. Similar to their door slam approach when being used as a doormat, INFJs can end up breaking their rule of only using their strengths for good.
Besides empathy, INFJs have an incredible ability to feel, absorb and match the energies of other people. They say it takes less than 15 minutes for the chameleon-like INFJ to get along with someone they’ve just met. They can go from social-circle to social-circle and seamlessly match the energy present. Usually they use this to mask their rather anti-social energy.
However, they can easily use it to ‘buddy-up’ to someone to get the information they need. So, if this personality type has a suspicion of someone in particular being rather conniving, deceitful or disloyal to someone they care about, they’ll get to the bottom of it with the help of a little rule-bending.
When they’ve been walked over one too many times
When talking about the “INFJ door slam” which entails cutting off all communication to someone they once held as an important person in their life, technically they go against every rule they have towards their close relationships.
Considering their extremely forgiving and understanding nature, any INFJ who hasn’t gone through a door slamming moment usually finds it hard to believe that such an approach would exist for their type. This is because they have certain unspoken rules when it comes to whom they confide in and have put their trust in.
Some of those rules include showing up with utmost patience, providing honest guidance, open receptiveness and most importantly, putting the pressing needs of those they love before their own. However, when they begin to notice that their empathetic ways are being taken advantage of through an unfair give-and-take, over time, most of these rules become obsolete.
When judging is necessary
Speaking of their chameleon-level of understanding different characters, INFJs naturally have an astonishing level of discernment about people. With Introverted Intuition and Extroverted Feeling at hand, this personality type is always perceiving, analyzing and evaluating their surroundings.
And while they would never withhold compassion towards someone or something due to disapproval, there are times when they can’t help but to take a step back due to the findings their judgment-led evaluations conclude.
Deep down, all this amicable type craves harmony in their external life, and that includes the people they’re involved with. And so, while they’re not normally considered the judgmental type in a negative way, this rule can be easily bent when they’re expected to aid, assist or rely on someone they’ve concluded as lacking necessary morals.
However, due to their tendency to rely on their intuition over facts and figures, these judgments are sometimes wrong. And although rare, when they do happen to be wrong about someone, they’ll surely pay for it with the onset of guilt that will follow.
When they have no choice but to ignore their need for solitude
Life gets busy.. even for the INFJ who relies on their precious alone time to recharge and wallow in their imagination with no interruptions. Normally, one of the INFJ’s valuable and necessary unspoken rules is that of putting their need for alone time at the top of their priority list.
With the need for small bouts of solitude being as necessary for this introverted type as food and water, it’s crucial for them to hold this rule close to their hearts. Usually, this priority doesn’t hold them back from living a normal life, although they may make necessary life changes to have more of it.
In fact, without it, INFJs can slip into a sense of exhaustion that ultimately negatively alters the way they would normally navigate their responsibilities. However, when life gets the best of them, they can be backed into a corner with no choice but to put this need on the back burner.
Whether it’s school, work, parenting, moving, traveling, a friend’s need for support or unexpected life changes, sometimes ample alone time can seem selfish and immature for this self-critical type.
While this isn’t necessarily considered them voluntarily bending their rules, it shows that sometimes the things they deeply crave to hold precedence to aren’t always doable in all circumstances.
When communicating their feelings won’t change anything
INFJs are keen communicators. In fact, they often rely on honest and clear communication when in trusting relationships due to the fact that they can be hard to read. And while they can usually read others like an open book, if they don’t say what’s on their mind, most people won’t be able to read between their lines.
However, when INFJs have read the situation and have even tried in the past to communicate their feelings and viewpoints with no avail, they’ll eventually give up. This is when things can get a little messy.
Yet, this isn’t the only circumstance that leads to the INFJ’s less-than communicative approach to issues they have. Since they’re known for their rather sensitive nature, sometimes they themselves can know someone means no harm, but can’t help but to feel bothered.
As a matter of fact, sometimes people would be surprised to know that the INFJ had become bitter about something because they still appear very friendly - they just become quieter. So, while this unspoken rule of communication can certainly have its place, sometimes it’s simply not worth it.
When it’s in the name of spontaneity
Normally, the organized and calculated INFJ personality type is hesitant to go through with anything that they haven’t yet examined and investigated. Whether it’s trying a new restaurant and needing to view the menu beforehand, or going on a trip and impulsively planning a step-by-step itinerary of exactly how they hope it will play out, this reluctant personality type isn’t exactly the one you’d turn to in hopes of experiencing something on a whim.
However, that’s not to say there aren’t certain times in the INFJ’s life where spontaneity seems like the best option in their vast factors of evaluation. Be it a new hobby, a new adventure, or even remaining open to starting a new friendship, INFJs can end up bending their unspoken rule of future-projecting and organizing in the name of simply seeing how something will play out on its own.
In fact, these specific times where the INFJ can just take a step back and try to enjoy the process can serve as some of the most rewarding and ultimately enjoyable times. That is, if they don’t get caught up distracting themselves with underlying feelings of uncertainty and hesitancy. And lastly..
When validating themselves isn’t enough
INFJs are just humans. And whether they’d like to admit it or not, humans crave external validation to feel important within the society they’re a part of. Sure, most people with this reclusive type prefer to march to the beat of their own drum by avoiding following the crowd at all costs.
They find appropriate ways to express their uniqueness and they’re rarely afraid to hold a belief system that contradicts the structures placed upon society as a whole. In fact, it’s this very approach to life that allows the INFJ to validate their own feelings and way of being; a rule they hold much pride in.
However, because of their secret desire to feel validated by the people around them, this rule can end up getting a little dismantled in the process. Usually, this craving of external validation can come from trying to fit into a group, workplace or even in a relationship in which they’ve placed significant value on.
Whether they notice it or not, sometimes this external value can cause them to want to fit a certain mold without realizing that’s what they’re trying to do. Sometimes, this isn’t as bad as it sounds, allowing them to build a character that feels more true to them. Yet other times, it can have the opposite effect.