Why INFJs Hate Being Around People
For most INFJs, interacting with people can be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, connecting with others can be deeply rewarding and satisfying for them; however on the other hand, people often bring stress and anxiety into their lives.
INFJs are individuals driven by intuition, compassion and introspection – traits not always shared among others in the world of human interaction. Therefore it’s no wonder why many INFJs find that formal social contact can become emotionally exhausting or outright avoidant in time.
1. They Prefer Their Lives to Be Structured
Most INFJs prefer to live structured lives due to their natural desire for order and predictability. But this same preference can often lead them to prefer the ease of their predictable routines over ever having to build relationships with new people or spend time maintaining existing ones.
This can be difficult for an INFJ because at their core, people are wired to crave connection with each other in order to truly feel fulfilled. Yet as sweet as these connections may be, it can be too daunting for many INFJs who are not comfortable with the unpredictable nature of relationships and being vulnerable for fear of being misunderstood - further challenging their need for structure.
Consequently, when the thought of doing something that takes them out of their comfort zone arises, they find themselves tempted to shut down before taking a chance in order to protect themselves from disorder.
2. They Don’t Like Feeling Misunderstood
INFJs are insular individuals who don't open themselves up easily, even to those closest to them. More often than not, INFJs can become deeply hurt and frustrated when their direct communication style isn't reciprocated.
People do tend to misunderstand INFJs, with their tendency for introversion and extroversion making them difficult to comprehend at times. An INFJ's naturally private nature can make it hard for others to understand the depths of the emotions they feel for the people in their life.
As a result, this misunderstanding may lead an INFJ to keep their walls up high, avoiding close interpersonal connections out of fear of being wrongly judged or misinterpreted.
3. They Want Their Conversations to Be Fulfilling
INFJs tend to prefer deep, meaningful connections with others rather than just small talk and surface-level interactions. This is largely due to the fact that such interactions make INFJs feel like their time is being wasted; rather than engaging with someone on a more heartfelt level, INFJs would much rather spend time alone.
Furthermore, INFJs are highly intuitive and can easily sense when someone does not actually care about connecting with them in an authentic way, which makes them hesitant to engage in superficial conversations. Whereas some people may see this as being standoffish or aloof, for an INFJ it's simply a natural response to feeling as though they won't reap any benefit out of the interaction.
4. They Can Find Peoples Lack of Compassion Upsetting
INFJs can often struggle to remain socially connected due to their deep sensitivity to the world around them; they long for empathy, compassion and understanding in their social interactions.
Unfortunately, INFJs can also frequently encounter people who seem to be emotionally disconnected - even careless - when interacting with them. This lack of consideration can be deeply upsetting and can cause INFJs to distance themselves from these individuals.
5. They Don’t Like Unnecessary Conflict and Drama
INFJs are naturally compassionate souls who don't do well in environments full of unnecessary conflict and drama. Rather than engage in what they may perceive as arguing for the sake of arguing, they’ll prefer to be around people who will help them grow and develop into their fullest potential.
When faced with people that bring negative energy, INFJs often can't help but feel weighed down by the bad emotions and often make the wise decision to simply step away and avoid any further contact with those types of individuals.
6. They Don’t Like to Over Commit Their Time and Energy
INFJs are often considered the most independent and introspective of all personality types, and this is reflected in their reluctance to overextend themselves. INFJs come to recognize the impossibility of making everyone happy and prioritize what they need most.
Consequently, it isn't uncommon for INJFs to avoid social interactions if they feel like they may wear out their capacity to give. While it may look as though they’re disconnected from friends and family, more often than not they're simply protecting their emotional energy so that they don’t become overwhelmed by others’ expectations.
Although engaging in active socialization plays an important role in their lives, INFJs know when to step back from a situation and dedicate time solely for themselves.
7. They Can Sense Others Negative Motivations
Living with intuition that is more heightened than most can be a challenge. INFJs often find themselves grappling with waves of emotions and complex impressions from even the simplest of interactions.
This type of awareness can lead them to instinctively avoid certain people, trying to place a little distance between themselves and whatever anxieties or worries are stirred up. The rush of feelings this deep insight creates can be overwhelming and intimidating, causing INFJs to want to conceal their true inner selves from prying eyes.
For them, it’s commonly easier just not to engage too deeply with others, choosing to focus inward on their own thoughts and moods instead. It's remarkable how INFJs are able to pick up on the unseen connections between events, yet when it comes down to it they just wish they could tune out what their minds sense and take life as it comes like so many others seem able do.
8. They Don’t Want to Compromise Their Values
INFJs are very passionate people. They focus our lives on their values and beliefs, so when someone goes against those values it can evoke strong emotion in them. This can be incredibly uncomfortable, so INFJs often take the logical route of simply avoiding those types of people.
INFJs try to put themselves out of harm's way and not subject themselves to hurtful conversations or behaviour. This isn't because they don't care about diverse opinions, but instead because it's an intuitive decision that ultimately keeps them safe from the pain of disagreeing with others too deeply.
9. They Don’t Want to Feel Disappointed
It can be a lonely walk through life for INFJs as they often strive for excellence in every area, expecting themselves and others to bring their all to the relationships they’re in.
High expectations are something that are deeply rooted in all INFJs, and they are there because of their strong desire to be affirmed and accepted.
Ultimately, however, this can cause them to build walls, opting to avoid certain people and situations if there is a chance they might not reach the standards they have set.
10. They Want to Pursue Their Own Interest and Passions
INFJs have a deep desire to connect with the world at large. This can lead to an intense need for autonomous exploration and an inner drive for meaning and fulfillment.
Such a passion for discovering one’s own interests and pursuing creative projects can be so consuming that it often leads to a need to disconnect from people in order to focus intensely on a task or idea.
11. They Want to Feel Safe
INFJs place a high value on their own personal boundaries and will often avoid people will tend to cross them. Boundaries are the limits that an INFJ sets for themselves in order to feel safe, respected, and in control of their own lives.
When someone crosses disregards them, it can cause the INFJ to feel violated, disrespected, or overwhelmed. There are many ways in which people may cross an INFJs boundaries, such as by invading personal space, disclosing personal information without permission, or imposing their own beliefs or values on the INFJ.
When an INFJ feels that their boundaries are being crossed continuously, they may choose to distance themselves from a person in order to protect their own well-being and sense of autonomy.
Conclusion
INFJs are complex individuals who often feel like they are caught between two worlds. On one hand, they deeply crave connection and intimacy with others; on the other hand, they also need time alone to reenergize and refocus. It is a delicate balance that INFJs must learn to strike in order to live fulfilling lives. Do you relate to this struggle?