8 Surprising Indicators That the INFJ is Upset With Someone
Some may say forgiveness is the INFJ’s middle name. With empathy making a grand-presence in every decision and connection they make, it’s quite rare that this personality type would hold a grudge on someone.
However, no matter how empathetic they may be, the INFJ is only human. And with that, comes emotions of displease towards others.
They’re Not Their Normally Bubbly Selves
With a solid foundation and understanding of not only who they are, but also how others perceive them, the INFJ is good for showing up as the same person each and every time you see them.
While some types become consumed in outer circumstances, which allow their mood and behavior to alter how they communicate with others, the INFJ’s presence is considerably steady day-in and day-out. They don’t take out their personal matters on other people, and they don’t allow their at-times negative mood to leak into other people's happiness.
However, if someone blatantly does the INFJ wrong, you can be almost certain that their normally high-vibes get cut short. While this may, at times, look like short-replies and one-word answers, it’s most likely the INFJ will maintain a demeanor that says ‘they mean business’.
They’ll take the normally light-hearted approach out of the equation, and will only communicate when and if absolutely necessary.. Which brings us to..
The Not-so-silent Silent Treatment
One of the key differences between the INFJ just needing some space to understand just how upset they are and a full-blown doorslam is communication. Although the INFJ is apt to fall into a silent treatment-like mood when they’re upset with someone, they don’t utilize this silent-mode to make a point.
In fact, because of their most dominant introverted intuitive function, INFJ’s won’t be able to even fully understand their emotions towards the situation otherwise. In order for this type to fully grasp every angle of the upsetting encounter they need to shut down.
However, in their attempts to create space, the INFJ rarely resorts to turning it into a dramatic exit. Instead, this rather-gentle type will always communicate why they have to leave the heated argument, or why it’s better to meet up another day.
Ironically, as the INFJ ruminates and replays every past encounter with that individual, this time away can either make or break the connection going forward.
They’ll Purposefully Keep Busy
When INFJs are upset about anything, they have 2 choices. Choice one allows them to block everything external out, in order to deeply ruminate about the upsetting situation, which we just discussed. And then there’s choice two.
This second choice leads the INFJ to distract themselves through their external environment to avoid their spiraling emotions. While everyone goes through these motions on a certain level, depending on the severity of the disappointment or distress, when the INFJ steps out of their minds in times of dismay, it can feel rather out of character.
In the same sense, INFJs have to try extra hard to avoid slipping back into their loud and distracting inner minds, which makes it crucial that they find something actually captivating to take their minds off.
So, in other words, if you think you upset an INFJ and now they're 10 minutes deep into frantically scrolling on their phone or randomly unnecessarily cleaning, you can be sure what you said might not have been perceived as expected.
They’ll Refuse to Wait Anymore Energy Explaining
If you’re wondering what types of things could upset the INFJ in the first place, rudely challenging or dismissing them on their core values and insights is a sure way to do it. Since the open-minded INFJ is never quick to judge others for their beliefs and values, they go out into the world only hoping for that same openness in return.
Unfortunately, the naive INFJ quickly learns that that’s a little far-fetched of an expectation. And unfortunately, most of the time they learn this lesson the hard way. Luckily, within that lesson, they learn that sometimes it’s worth sparing people the trouble of having to listen to them elaborate or explain themselves.
Actually, lack of interest alone will have the INFJ saving another from the depths of their mind, however, if someone is blatantly ignoring them or belittling their viewpoints, a quick and dismissing ‘nevermind’ or ‘don’t worry about it’ is their passive-aggressive way of saying ‘I can tell you’re extremely close-minded, so I’ll stop now’.
They’re Venting to Others
One of the clearest signs that someone is noticeably upset is when they begin to vent to the people around them. For some people, it doesn’t really matter who it is that’s lending that open ear, as long as they can somewhat keep up with what they’re pouring out.
For the INFJ however, venting isn’t a drama-filled source of entertainment for others. Instead, this private personality type will only vent about their personal issues when they really need to let it out.
So, whether they’re in a predicament within one of their close connections, or they’re stressing about a workplace relationship, the only time someone will hear about it is when it’s become all too much for the INFJ to laugh off, forgive, or live and let live.
On the same note, most INFJs have a ‘go-to’ venting person..so if you see them venting to that person, you’ll know something is not right.
They Challenge the Upsetting Words
Like we said, there’s not many things that would send the INFJ to the point of being upset by others. Since they try their best to understand other people and the origins of their habits and emotions, this personable introverted type prefers to practice the ‘think before you talk’ mentality.
Although some may say the INFJ’s inability to feel their own emotions can serve as a challenge, there’s no doubt it comes with its positives. One of those positives being that they need to take an extra minute or 5 to dissect the information before reacting.
If they’re unable to squeeze anymore clarifying information from the source, they’ll skip right to keeping themselves busy or going within to better formulate the appropriate emotions.
However, if the situation and person allows it, the INFJ will attempt to clear the air before jumping to conclusions. With this tactic alone, INFJs can much easier decipher whether someone’s words or actions were taken out of context or whether they need to keep their distance from this person indefinitely.
They Get Rather Fidgety
Calm and composed, the INFJ rarely shows their inner thoughts through their external appearance. However, when the INFJ is surprised with a not-so-positive interaction with another person, they can end up showing their irritation more than they even notice.
As a matter of fact, since the INFJ tend to be conflict-avoidant, the simplest disturbance to their mental and emotional equilibrium can actually send them into a slight state of panic.
As they try to compose themselves and not become distracted with internal questions surrounding the encounter, INFJs may end up using subconscious grounding techniques to keep them from getting too in their heads about it in the moment.
Whether they begin shifting their weight from foot to foot, cracking their knuckles, biting their nails, playing with their hair, or even bouncing their leg to the beat of the music..
The INFJ will subconsciously use these fidgety habits to play into the idea that they’re unbothered. When really, they’re just keeping their flooding thoughts at bay until they can better concentrate on them.
You Can’t Tell.. So Ask!
So, now you’re probably thinking you could pick the upset INFJ out of any crowd..but let’s not give you false reassurance. Because, at the end of the day, there’s no type that can swallow their pride and smile off feelings of discontent towards another person like the INFJ.
However, just because it’s nearly impossible to tell if they’re upset with someone, especially if they don’t know them well, it’s not inappropriate to just ask! While they may sugar-coat their dismay through an extremely laxed and ‘I didn’t really care that much anyway’ attitude, there will be some hidden truths behind their explanation.
Plus, because they’re so often misunderstood, sometimes the simple act of acknowledging and asking an INFJ if they're upset by something that’s been said is a sure way to build a closer bond. Not to mention, a little consideration is enough for this overly-forgiving type to put the past behind them.
So, what’s the best way to tell if you're upset with someone as an INFJ?